What do you call a cow that fell in a hole? A hole-y Cow.
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
Q: What side of the cow gives the most milk? A: The utter side.
Man decides to buy a pet, but does not know what he wants as a pet, so he goes to the pet shop in search of a pet. He sees cats in a cage dogs on another cage spiders, rabbits, frogs, birds, fish in aquariums and finally he sees a very colorful parrot in the corner of the store and he goes to the area where the parrot was and salesman asks him, "Are you interested in this parrot?" The man says, "Does he talk?" the salesman says, "If you pull his left leg he will say the our father and if you pull his right leg, he will say the hailmary!" The man says, "What will the parrot say if I pull both legs at the same time?" The parrot says, "I'll fall on my ass stupid!"
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
It was a hot summer night. Slowly I spread her legs and my hand was trying to find its way to her nipple... I was so excited! I never milked a cow before...
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus? On squid row.