What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull? A steak-out.
Q.How do you catch a polar bear? A.You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear comes along and stops for a pea,you kick it in the ice hole.
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
Where does a cow stop to drink? The milky way.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
What did the bunny want to do when he grew up? Join the Hare Force.
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" "Africa," says the parrot.
Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?" "A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here." Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him. "How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.