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Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created. 
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Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hippo?
A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass. The other lives in rivers in tropical countries.
How are black people and wolves similar?
They both fight in packs.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
"Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That is not my dog."
A guy meets a hooker in a bar.
She says, "This is your lucky night.
I’ve got a special game for you.
I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"
He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery?
A: Because it gets you nowhere.
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure.