Q: There is a $100 bill sitting in the middle of a 4 way intersection, at one side there is a man hating dike, at another side, there is Santa, at another side there is the Easter Bunny, and at the las side there is a man loving lesbian. Who gets the $100 bill?
A: The man hating dike because all others are a figure of your imagination.
If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!
To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.
Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.
To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
When you loose your car keys, click on find.
"Help" with the chores is just a click away.
Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary.
You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.
And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to you.
You WILL be a winner today.
Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
Bruce lee does not drink water, he drinks WATAAAA.
Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
Yo' Mama is so uptight, you need the jaws of life to part her legs.
Q: What bounces and makes kids cry?
A: My donation cheque to Children in Need.
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father.
He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
Life is an open door.
It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.
Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'.
He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.
'It's not unusual' he replied.