Men are like.....Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw they lose interest.
One day there were two men.
One was driving a Mercedes Benz and the other was riding a horse, both waiting at the traffic light.
The man in the Benz looked at the horse and noticed something different, that horse was not a normal horse.
It was an electric horse and has 3 buttons in it if you press one button it moves forward, if you press the second button it moves faster and if you press the last button it will stop.
The guy in the Benz was really impressed, so he asked the guy riding the horse if he wanted to trade the horse for the Benz, so he agreed.
They did the trade and the guy riding the horse drove the Benz and went on his way but the other guy was still stuck in the traffic light trying to get the horse to move.
He tried all the buttons but the horse does not seem to be moving so he called the horse owner and asked him if he can come back to show him how to move the horse.
So the guy came back, he pressed all the buttons again but the horse still doesn't move.
He noticed the horse's penis was up so he tells the other guy: "Ohh you forgot to release the handbrake!"
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up.
"Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.
Boy: "Do you like parties?"
Girl: "Yes, why?"
Boy: "Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!"
Question: Why do men fart more than women?
Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under?
A. Because deep down he's a good person.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.