You know when donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking?
That's what it's like having kids.
Father: Which one do you love more , me or Mommy?
Son: I love you both.
Father: Very Well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: Japan.
Father: See, that you love Mommy more than me?
Son: No, I just want to visit Japan.
Father: Very well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: France.
Father: See?
Son: No its just because I have already visited Japan.
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we’re living with two h***s and a future congressman."
A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x.
The code is: "Making a call."
One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call.
The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order.
Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call.
The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."
Kid: "please could I go 2 the toilet"
teacher: "say the alphabet"
Kid: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz"
teacher: "where's the p?"
kid: "running half way down my leg"
Two men are chatting;
"My son asked me: 'Daddy, where do children come from?'"
"It's not a big deal... Today kids are interested in that matter on the early years."
"Yeah men, but the real issue here is that my son is... married... for five years!"
A teacher comes to the home of one naughty kid:
"Is your mom at home?"
"Nope, she's not here", says the naughty kid, quite scared.
"And your father?"
"No, he has hidden away as well..."
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?"
And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it.
She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy’s mind, sat him and said: “God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white.”
To which the child responded, “Well, then is God Michael Jackson?”
Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas?
A: My bike.
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