The best kids jokes

Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: driving, kids, money
Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move? A: The splits!
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has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: food, gym, kids, sport
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
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has 59.79 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
A salesmen rang a house doorbell and it was answered by a kid wearing a top hat, a purple cape, smoking a cigar and drinking a glass of white wine. The salesmen asked: "Are your parents home?" The kid replied: "What does it look like?"
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has 59.74 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids
Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks. "Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!"
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has 59.51 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: kids, little Johnny
Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him: "Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!" "I do not want," says the little one. "Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful." "I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest. "My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow." And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
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has 59.41 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: bird, dirty, food, kids
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
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has 59.40 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: kids, marriage, mean, party
Knock Knock! Who's there? Zany Zany who? Zany body home?
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has 59.17 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: kids, knock-knock
What did the black kid get for Christmas? YOUR BIKE!
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has 59.08 % from 272 votes. More jokes about: black people, Christmas, kids, racist
I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight... But honey, what about our kid? What kid? So you are not you pregnant?!
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has 58.93 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: kids, women
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