The best kids jokes

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
Vote: has 40.31 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, dad, driving, kids
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
Vote: has 39.94 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white? (A panda bear rolling down a hill!)
Vote: has 39.94 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
When I was born, everyone was so happy. Even the doctor said, ‘I think it’s a baby.’
Vote: has 39.64 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
What do you give a cat for its birthday? A catologue.
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Vote: has 39.42 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, ugly
A mother found out she was pregnant and told the good news to anyone who would listen. One day when mother and son were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. ‘Yes!’ the four-year-old said. ‘And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!'
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Did you hear about the baby who swallowed a pin? It was OK. It was a safety pin.
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Q: In which room we cannot live? A: Mushroom.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Vote: has 37.36 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, kids