The best kids jokes

Our baby looks just like me. But that’s OK, as long as he’s healthy.
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie. You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You ever cut your grass and found a car. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner. You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'. You own a homemade fur coat. The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You can get dog hair from out of your belly button. The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction. People hear your car a long time before they see it.
Vote: has 35.23 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, car, drunk, kids, wife
Two tomatoes are trying to pass the street. Suddenly, the one screams to the other: "CAR!" (splash) "WHERE?" (splash)
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What did the volcano say to the other volcano? Stop erupting me.
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More jokes about: kids
When is a door sweet and tasty? When its jammed!
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Where does a boat go when it is sick? The dock.
Vote: has 34.72 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe? A: He called a toe truck.
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A math teacher asks a pupil, what are 3, 5, 7 and 11? The pupil thinks for a moment and then replies, "On 3 there is cartoon network, on 5 we have cartoon network, on 7 dad checks out news-bulletin and the channel that comes by pressing 11 on the remote is FTV, which my brother watches late at night."
Vote: has 34.13 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, math, technology
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
Vote: has 33.86 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, kids, money
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, animal, kids