The best kids jokes

What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
Vote: has 25.64 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
Vote: has 25.64 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
Vote: has 24.78 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What's red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator.
Vote: has 24.28 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

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A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.
Vote: has 24.11 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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What kind of rocks do young geologists play with? Marbles.
Vote: has 24.11 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why do two skunks argue? A: Because they like to kick up a stink.
Vote: has 24.11 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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What is black and white and red all over? (A panda bear with a sunburn!)
Vote: has 24.11 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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A couple of kids in the South get pulled over for speeding. When the trooper approaches the car, the driver says 'What's the problem, sir?'. The trooper takes out his machined aluminum flashlight and whacks the kid across the head saying 'You don't speak to a state trooper unless you're spoken to'. The trooper writes out the citation and gives it to the driver who responds 'Thanks a lot'. The trooper again gives the kid a dose of the flashlight and says 'When you address a state trooper, you finish your sentence with the word sir'. He then walks over to the passenger side and whacks the other kid with the flashlight. The kid says 'What was that for, sir?' The trooper says 'I was just fulfilling your wish. Y'all wouldn't have gotten 100 yards down this road before you'd have said to your friend, "I wish he'd have hit me with that flashlight", so I fulfilled your wish.'
Vote: has 22.04 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, kids
A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Dad had only one bottle of beer left, so I let my baby brother have it."
Vote: has 20.85 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, beer, dad, kids