The best kids jokes

Most babies born today are very young.
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has 43.52 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: kids
A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
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has 42.53 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: car, dad, driving, kids
A mother found out she was pregnant and told the good news to anyone who would listen. One day when mother and son were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. ‘Yes!’ the four-year-old said. ‘And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!'
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: kids
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
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has 42.00 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fat, kids
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
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has 42.00 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: food, kids, money
Q: How did the sand get wet? A: The sea weed!
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has 41.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: kids, weed
What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.
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has 41.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, kids, lawyer
The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said. The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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has 41.89 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: cop, kids
Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier? A: You can count on me.
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has 41.89 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: kids
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