What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
Why do bears have fur coats? (Because they look silly wearing jackets!)
He was such a big baby that the doctor was afraid to slap him.
Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be? Out for the count!
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? (They use bear conditioning!)
There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Q:How does a bear start a race? A: READY, TEDDY, GO!