Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta
A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, "Mother of Six", in spite of her objections. One night they went to a party. He decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouted at the top of his voice,"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouted back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
One day Adam and his parents were at the mall. Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way. He got a bag of chips and a drink. He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish."
There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.'' So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution." ''Why?' asked the head nurse. "Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."
Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat? A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.
What did the mama bear say to her cub? "Don't go out in your bear feet!"
They said the baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right way up.
When Chuck Norris was a kid his parents took him to a beach in Georgia. While swimming Chuck Norris pants came down and out popped Florida.
Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA? Class: The second one!