A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed went itself out of fear.
Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common? A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on? A: He wanted to be a cool cat.
Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
Handy hint: Feed your baby onions so you can find it in the dark.
Q: What bounces and makes kids cry? A: My donation cheque to Children in Need.
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster? A: Hello, hello.
A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."