Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street? A: Put them in a barking lot.
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
An Arabic kid joined my football team. All he did was blow the plays.
Q: What's the difference between racist jokes and kids with cancer? A: They never get old.
Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on? A: He wanted to be a cool cat.
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster? A: Hello, hello.
Handy hint: Feed your baby onions so you can find it in the dark.
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.