The best lawyer jokes

Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: car, death, hospital, lawyer, life
A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention. The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?" The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."
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has 66.04 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
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has 65.94 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
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has 65.29 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
The lawyer’s motto: a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? A: Outlaws are wanted.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
The scene is a dark jungle. Two tigers are stalking through the undergrowth in single file when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it out, all right!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?" The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, lawyer, mean, sex
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