The best lawyer jokes

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor. Who gets it? The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
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What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
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What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
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A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention. The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?" The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."
Vote: has 66.04 % from 86 votes. Send joke:
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A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Vote: has 65.94 % from 79 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
Vote: has 65.80 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, lawyer
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
Vote: has 65.14 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, lawyer, money, wife
The lawyer’s motto: a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer, money


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