The best lawyer jokes

What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
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has 66.18 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention. The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?" The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."
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has 66.04 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
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has 65.94 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, light bulb
Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: kids, lawyer, money, wife
The lawyer’s motto: a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, death, hospital, lawyer, life
Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? A: Outlaws are wanted.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
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