The best lawyer jokes

A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it. The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.' He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked -- the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did -- and all the rats drowned. He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?' 'Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
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What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
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What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
Vote: has 66.18 % from 83 votes. Send joke:
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A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity. "First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..." "I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money." The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
Vote: has 66.10 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, hospital, lawyer, money
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Vote: has 65.94 % from 79 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
Vote: has 65.80 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, lawyer
A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention. The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?" The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."
Vote: has 65.67 % from 85 votes. Send joke:
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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor. Who gets it? The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
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Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
Vote: has 64.90 % from 83 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time


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