The best lawyer jokes

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
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has 68.02 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, money, nurse
The lawyer’s motto: a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem. He replied that he paid it back right after his first case. When asked how he managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, work
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
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has 67.61 % from 163 votes. More jokes about: death, desert island, Hitler, lawyer
A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention. The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?" The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."
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has 67.11 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
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has 67.10 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian? A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
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has 67.08 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, lawyer, lesbian
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he opened the door a truck came roaring past and completely tore off the driver’s door of the Lexus. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. When a policeman arrived, the lawyer was still screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust. "I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Didn’t you notice that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." The lawyer looked down to his left side and let out a terrible scream: "Oh my God!… MY ROLEX!"
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, god, lawyer, phone
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
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