The best lawyer jokes

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor. "It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, marriage, wife
It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked. "Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?" The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
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has 63.07 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, political
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: beauty, drug, lawyer, wife
Jerry is charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquits him. Later that day Jerry comes back to speak to the judge that tried his case. ‘Your Honour,’ he says. ‘I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.’ ‘Why?’ asks the judge. ‘He won your acquittal. Why do you want to have him arrested?’ Jerry replies, ‘I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so the bastard went and took the car I stole.’
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? A: Outlaws are wanted.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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has 62.06 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.
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has 61.96 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, lawyer
The judge: Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association? The inculpated: Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, hunting, lawyer
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
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has 61.37 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
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