The best lawyer jokes

A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours. Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list: FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN DISCOVERING IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL -- $125.
Vote:
has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
Vote:
has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: beauty, drug, lawyer, wife
Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.
Vote:
has 62.50 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, lawyer
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
Vote:
has 62.10 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
Vote:
has 61.37 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
Vote:
has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer are involved in a car crash. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor is a little shaken up, offers him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepts, has a drink and hands back the flask. The lawyer puts it in his pocket. ‘Aren’t you having one yourself?’ asks the doctor. ‘Sure,’ says the lawyer. ‘But I’ll wait till after the police leave.’
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
Vote:
has 60.26 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
In the High Court: Do you know what you get for false testimony? Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...
Vote:
has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer
An investment advisor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?" "Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case." "Impresive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment advisor. The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
Vote:
has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
<<<17181920
More jokes →
Page 17 of 34.