The best lawyer jokes

A lawyer is paid £950 in new bills but, on counting the money, he discovers that two notes have stuck together and he’s been overpaid by £50. This leaves him with an ethical dilemma – should he tell his partner?
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours. Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list: FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN DISCOVERING IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL -- $125.
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, light bulb
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.
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has 61.39 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, lawyer, mean, sex
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
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has 61.37 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Why won't sharks attack lawyers? "Professional courtesy."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: beauty, drug, lawyer, wife
Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
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has 60.57 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer are involved in a car crash. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor is a little shaken up, offers him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepts, has a drink and hands back the flask. The lawyer puts it in his pocket. ‘Aren’t you having one yourself?’ asks the doctor. ‘Sure,’ says the lawyer. ‘But I’ll wait till after the police leave.’
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
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