The best lawyer jokes

A lawyer is paid £950 in new bills but, on counting the money, he discovers that two notes have stuck together and he’s been overpaid by £50. This leaves him with an ethical dilemma – should he tell his partner?
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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has 61.75 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours. Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list: FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN DISCOVERING IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL -- $125.
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, light bulb
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.
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has 61.43 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, lawyer, mean, sex
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
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has 61.37 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.
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has 61.36 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, lawyer
Why won't sharks attack lawyers? "Professional courtesy."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer are involved in a car crash. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor is a little shaken up, offers him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepts, has a drink and hands back the flask. The lawyer puts it in his pocket. ‘Aren’t you having one yourself?’ asks the doctor. ‘Sure,’ says the lawyer. ‘But I’ll wait till after the police leave.’
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
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