The best lawyer jokes

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
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Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team’s response times. “Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,” bragged one, “we’ve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.” “Not bad,” the second paramedic commented. “But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.” “That’s nothing said the third paramedic. “Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we’ve cut our emergency response time in half!”
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Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
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What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers? "Professional courtesy."
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It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant. "Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened", answered the prisoner.
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The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them. The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!
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Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee–If No Recovery!
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Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
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A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat. While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat. The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God! Help me, help me!’ His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter. The lawyer points to his feet and screams, ‘I’m melting! I’m melting…!’
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