The best lawyer jokes

Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
Vote:
has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.
Vote:
has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them. The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A junior partner in a law firm is sent to represent a client accused of murder. After a long trial, the case is won and the client acquitted. The young lawyer telegraphs his firm with the message, ‘Justice prevailed’. The senior partner telegraphs back, ‘Appeal immediately’.
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat. While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat. The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God! Help me, help me!’ His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter. The lawyer points to his feet and screams, ‘I’m melting! I’m melting…!’
Vote:
has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
Vote:
has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, medical, money, party
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
Vote:
has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: airplane, business, lawyer
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy.
Vote:
has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
<<<20212223
More jokes →
Page 20 of 34.