The best lawyer jokes

Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
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What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers? "Professional courtesy."
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It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant. "Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened", answered the prisoner.
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The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them. The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!
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Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee–If No Recovery!
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Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
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A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat. While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat. The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God! Help me, help me!’ His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter. The lawyer points to his feet and screams, ‘I’m melting! I’m melting…!’
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A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
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30 degrees... It was so cold out today that even the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.
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