Joke #4042

A doctor and a lawyer are involved in a car crash. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor is a little shaken up, offers him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepts, has a drink and hands back the flask. The lawyer puts it in his pocket. ‘Aren’t you having one yourself?’ asks the doctor. ‘Sure,’ says the lawyer. ‘But I’ll wait till after the police leave.’
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
Vote: has 82.03 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, lawyer
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”
Vote: has 85.51 % from 111 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, marriage, wedding
Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? A: Outlaws are wanted.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? A: He gets taller.
Vote: has 28.61 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, lawyer, mean, viagra
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Insufficient sand.
Vote: has 24.92 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that! What's the big deal about a two-story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is...**I have a headache** and the other story is **It's that time of the month!** "
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
What’s a foot long, transparent and lies in the gutter. A lawyer once the crap’s been kicked out of him.
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A junior partner in a law firm is sent to represent a client accused of murder. After a long trial, the case is won and the client acquitted. The young lawyer telegraphs his firm with the message, ‘Justice prevailed’. The senior partner telegraphs back, ‘Appeal immediately’.
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
An investment advisor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?" "Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case." "Impresive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment advisor. The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall? A: It depends how hard you throw them.
Vote: has 34.87 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer