The best jokes about life

Me: "I'm finally happy!" Life: "Lol, wait a sec."
Vote:
has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: Why is life like a penis? A: Women make it hard!
Vote:
has 76.03 % from 396 votes. More jokes about: life, sex, women
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: 1. Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy. 2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend. 3. And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Vote:
has 76.02 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: bird, friendship, life, winter
A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city." "Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."
Vote:
has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life
1st Eskimo: "Where did your mother come from?" 2nd Eskimo: "Alaska." 1st Eskimo: "Don’t bother, I’ll ask her myself!"
Vote:
has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?!" "Well," said the guy, "you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can’t help practicing my art!" "That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"
Vote:
has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life, work
Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife? A: Meet Patty.
Vote:
has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life
If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...
Vote:
has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, life
A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life. After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper. A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately. On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy. When she entered the room she stood steal... She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room. "But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked. "Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"
Vote:
has 75.93 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, husband, life, marriage
This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…"
Vote:
has 75.90 % from 376 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, doctor, jewish, life
<<<22232425
More jokes →
Page 22 of 82.