The best jokes about life

A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?" And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
Vote:
has 76.15 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, sex
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"
Vote:
has 76.11 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: airplane, life, women
Me: "I'm finally happy!" Life: "Lol, wait a sec."
Vote:
has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.
Vote:
has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, life
Q: Why is life like a penis? A: Women make it hard!
Vote:
has 76.00 % from 400 votes. More jokes about: life, sex, women
A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city." "Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."
Vote:
has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life
1st Eskimo: "Where did your mother come from?" 2nd Eskimo: "Alaska." 1st Eskimo: "Don’t bother, I’ll ask her myself!"
Vote:
has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
Vote:
has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: car, doctor, life
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?!" "Well," said the guy, "you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can’t help practicing my art!" "That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"
Vote:
has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life, work
Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?" Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?" Customer: "No, I can’t." Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
Vote:
has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: food, life
<<<22232425
More jokes →
Page 22 of 82.