Q:How do crazy people go through the forest?
A:They take the psycho path.
Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A: Meet Patty.
By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead.
And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.
Vote:
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time.
The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack.
"How did that happen?" asks the first guy.
"Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot."
"Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
Kanye West compared himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs.
Apparently none of them could sing, either.
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair.
An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"
And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
Cool Morals:
1. Money is not everything. There's also MasterCard & Visa.
2. One should love animals. They are tasty too.
3. Save water. Drink beer.
4. Studying is healthy. So leave it for the sick.
5. Books are holy. So don't touch them.
6. Love your neighbor. But don't get caught.
7. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life...
The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Vote:
Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?"
Doctor: "How old are you now?"
Patient: "40"
Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?"
Patient: "No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice."
Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?"