The best jokes about life

Kanye West compared himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs. Apparently none of them could sing, either.
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has 76.35 % from 212 votes. More jokes about: life, music
Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents. Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
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has 76.31 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, money, music
A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady if she had a woman that could handle 16 inches. "Hmm," said the madam. "I'm not sure. Try the first door on the right." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and immediately heard screams. "It's too big! Take it out!" So he went to the madam. "No, really. I need someone who can handle 16 inches." "Hmm," said the madam. "Try the last door." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and had the time of his life, surprised that there was no scream at all. In fact, he heard no sounds at all. Puzzled, he finished up and pulled out. "Talk to me, baby." "Moo."
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has 76.28 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, life
Patient to doctor: "On the top of your prescription these words are printed: We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?" Doctor: "Pay me. I will send it."
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: doctor, god, life
The church is struck by lightning. The insurance company refuses to pay out for damages incurred, as there is a specific disclaimer clause for "An act of God", which, amongst others, lightning is classified as. The priest goes to every household and asks for a donation to rebuild the church. One Christian farmer protested, "I'm sorry, Pastor, but I can't give money to Somebody who set His own house alight!"
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has 76.26 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: christian, church, god, life, priest
I did so much crack, one day I broke in my own house. I ain't lying. I was halfway out the door with the TV before I realized it was my place. And before I broke in, I used to stand outside and case the joint. Finally, I said, "Damn, this brother will never come home!"
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has 76.26 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: drug, life
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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has 76.20 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, life, new year, time
Me: "I'm finally happy!" Life: "Lol, wait a sec."
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, life
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?" And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
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has 76.00 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, sex
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