The best jokes about life

If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
Vote:
has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: graduation, life, school, work
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...
Vote:
has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, life, mean, travel, work
What do you call a Labrador that becomes a magician? A Labracadabrador!
Vote:
has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life
My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology." So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!" Then I disconnected his life support.
Vote:
has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life, old people, technology
Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they have a bet who will sell the most in a day. They meet up at end of day and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty. The other two asked how did he do it. He said, "Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust rrrread it tttto yyyyou?"
Vote:
has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: bible, life
The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.
Vote:
has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life, political
An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
Vote:
has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: age, life, old people, sex, viagra
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly. "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Vote:
has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: business, life, student, women
Chuck Norris can press "Pause" on reality.
Vote:
has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game, life
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
Vote:
has 74.04 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life, military, winter
<<<28293031
More jokes →
Page 28 of 81.