The best jokes about life

If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: death, life
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: graduation, life, school, work
The man pulled over to the side of the road when he saw the police lights in his rear view mirror. “How long have you been riding around without a tail light?” asked the officer. “Oh, no!” screamed the man, jumping out of the car. “Calm down, it isn’t that serious.” said the officer. “Wait’ll my family finds out.” “Where’s your family?” “They’re in the trailer that was hitched to the car!”
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has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: life
What do you call a Labrador that becomes a magician? A Labracadabrador!
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life
The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life, political
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
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has 73.94 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: life, sport, technology
A government is doing really bad and is very likely to lose the election. So they gather the cabinet to deal with the situation. "Guys we do not go well, we will lose power, we will lose everything. We need to do something" the prime minister said. A minister pops up and says: "We will redecorate! We will change desks, chairs, sofas, floors, curtains, everything will be changed." The others also agree and start to make plans. So sometime later, the maid comes inside, and she sees them so upset all working hard making plans, and says: "What about you guys, What is going on?" "We do not go well as government and we are changing the decoration" they reply. The maid shrugs tentatively. "Why do you react like that?" "What can I tell you guys" she answers. "Before I came here for work, I used to work in a brothel. And when business didn’t go well, we did not change the furniture, but the hookers."
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: life
Everytime a someone tells me my jokes are funny, I say, "Thanks! I got more lines than Whitney Huston's coffee table.".
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life
Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?" Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?" Customer: "No, I can’t." Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: food, life
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