The best jokes about life

Q: What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? A: What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
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has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, sex
Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant? A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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has 73.52 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: accountant, life
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
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has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life
*WINS AN OSCAR* Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: life
Justin Bieber puked on stage. That settles it, she's pregnant.
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has 73.22 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
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has 73.12 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: geek, life, math, science
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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has 73.11 % from 380 votes. More jokes about: IT, life, programmer, sex
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
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has 73.06 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life, military, winter
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't had one. Never." "Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
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has 73.05 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy, life, stupid
A guy dies and is sent to hell. Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis. Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing. After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hell, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me." The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected. But finally he decides to inspect the area. Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around. Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hell from an area underneath, and there is hell as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone. Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!" The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."
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has 72.92 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: catholic, death, life, music, party
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