What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
FOUR stages of girl & boy relation! 1. hand in hand. 2. that in hand. 3. hand in that. 4. that in that.
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Do you know what a plateau is? It's the highest form of flattery!
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!"
So the buddhist pulls a gun out of his coat and the vendor says, "Whoa whoa whoa, what about inner peace?". The Buddhist responds "This is my inner piece".
If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till i hit the ground? The rest of your life...