The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy.
The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."
"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner.
We actually talked to each other.
It was awful!
Vote:
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
Vote:
Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.
*WINS AN OSCAR*
Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.
Get to know your mate.
If there's something you need to know about him, just ask him right up front.
And choose the right moment because the fellas don't like opening up.
Like, after intimacy, turn around, look him in his eye and say, "I've been wanting to know, what's your name?"
Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court?
A: For charges of battery.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
The church is struck by lightning.
The insurance company refuses to pay out for damages incurred, as there is a specific disclaimer clause for "An act of God", which, amongst others, lightning is classified as.
The priest goes to every household and asks for a donation to rebuild the church.
One Christian farmer protested, "I'm sorry, Pastor, but I can't give money to Somebody who set His own house alight!"
Life Lemons Saying:
White Guy: When Life gives you lemons enjoy them with friends.
Black Guy: When Life gives you lemons sell them, buy a gun, point it at life and say "More lemons mother Fucker".