The best jokes about life

The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: food, health, life
Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful!
has 74.36 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: food, life, technology
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life, sport, technology
Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.
has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life
*WINS AN OSCAR* Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.
has 74.17 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: life
Get to know your mate. If there's something you need to know about him, just ask him right up front. And choose the right moment because the fellas don't like opening up. Like, after intimacy, turn around, look him in his eye and say, "I've been wanting to know, what's your name?"
has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court? A: For charges of battery.
has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: life, prison
Life Lemons Saying: White Guy: When Life gives you lemons enjoy them with friends. Black Guy: When Life gives you lemons sell them, buy a gun, point it at life and say "More lemons mother Fucker".
has 73.69 % from 567 votes. More jokes about: life, racist
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
has 73.60 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: black humor, life, men, morbid, time
The church is struck by lightning. The insurance company refuses to pay out for damages incurred, as there is a specific disclaimer clause for "An act of God", which, amongst others, lightning is classified as. The priest goes to every household and asks for a donation to rebuild the church. One Christian farmer protested, "I'm sorry, Pastor, but I can't give money to Somebody who set His own house alight!"
has 73.58 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: christian, church, god, life, priest
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