Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1
Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine." Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight members said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently." "Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure you having nothing else to add?" "Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."
Q: What is height of forgetfulness? A: Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?" Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?" Customer: "No, I can’t." Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.
Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist? He got the sack.
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.