The best jokes about life

A guy dies and is sent to hell. Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis. Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing. After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hell, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me." The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected. But finally he decides to inspect the area. Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around. Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hell from an area underneath, and there is hell as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone. Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!" The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."
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has 73.22 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: catholic, death, life, music, party
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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has 73.04 % from 375 votes. More jokes about: IT, life, programmer, sex
*WINS AN OSCAR* Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.
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has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: life
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
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has 72.85 % from 196 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, Chuck Norris, death, life
A couple was touring the capitol in Washington, DC, and the guide pointed out a tall, benevolent gentleman as the congressional chaplain. The lady asked, "What does the chaplain do? Does he pray for the Senate or House?" The guide answered, "No, he gets up, looks at both houses of Congress, then prays for the country!"
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: couple, life, travel
Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: life
Patient: Doc I keep on forgetting things. Doctor: Since when did you have these problems? Patient: What problems?
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has 72.60 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: life
The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.
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has 72.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: life, political
Q: What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? A: What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
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has 72.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, sex
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
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has 72.13 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life, military, winter
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