Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
Vote:
One day, Bush was talking with Osama Binladen on the phone, they couldn’t trace from where the call was coming from, but Osama said, "I’ve got good news and bad news."
Bush replied, "What’s the good news?"
"I’m turning myself in," said Osama. "But the bad news is, I’m coming on a plane."
Every night I play a game called "Should I pee or can I hold it till morning".
Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital.
A senior consultant had to pull them apart.
"What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily.
"It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one.
"He's only got 2 days to live."
"He had to be told." said the second doctor.
"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"
Q: What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?
A: What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
Vote:
I'm trying to write a joke about overdosing on cocaine.
But I need a line to end it.
I went to blockbusters last night and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever.
The bloke at the counter said, "NO you have to bring it back tomorrow!"
Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
Vote:
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.