The best jokes about life

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sem Ting.'"
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has 71.88 % from 263 votes. More jokes about: asian, blonde, food, life
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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has 71.74 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: black humor, life, men, morbid, time
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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has 71.72 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast. They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes. Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped. Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped. Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped. The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die" the boy said "Why? We can both jump." "How is that?" said the monk. The boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!"
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has 71.53 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: airplane, life, political, school
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
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has 71.44 % from 255 votes. More jokes about: family, life, work
What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1
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has 71.40 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, computer, IT, life, technology
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
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has 71.30 % from 284 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Could you imagine if God turns out to be a woman ? Not only am I going to hell, but I will never know why.
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: god, life, women
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life, mean
"Hey what's up?" "Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide." "How the hell do you do that?!" "Breathing... Dude."
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has 70.78 % from 301 votes. More jokes about: life
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