The best jokes about life

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
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has 71.30 % from 284 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1
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has 71.29 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, computer, IT, life, technology
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
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has 71.29 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!"
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has 71.19 % from 230 votes. More jokes about: life, racist
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
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has 71.00 % from 202 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, Chuck Norris, death, life
All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
"Hey what's up?" "Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide." "How the hell do you do that?!" "Breathing... Dude."
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has 70.91 % from 306 votes. More jokes about: life
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then voice in my head says: "Haha nice one!" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life
Girl: What if a boy hugs me? Mom: Say Don't Girl: What if he kisses me? Mom: Say stop. The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON'T STOP!...
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life, school
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight..."
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, time
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