The best jokes about life

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
Vote: has 71.11 % from 282 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life
"Hey what's up?" "Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide." "How the hell do you do that?!" "Breathing... Dude."
Vote: has 71.04 % from 300 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
Could you imagine if God turns out to be a woman ? Not only am I going to hell, but I will never know why.
Vote: has 70.92 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, life, women
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer, life, love, money, wife
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, mean
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
Vote: has 70.75 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, life, sex
A Mom goes to the store shopping. She tells to the children, "Your father will return very drunk. Undress him down to the waist and put him to sleep." "Why to the waist", the children interested. "Because your father has a large snake below and it can bite you." The mother returned and her children met her at the door, "Mom! Mom! Dad came home! We undress him all and put him to sleep." "Are you undressed him the entire", mother worried? "What happened with the snake?" "Don't worry, Mom!" proudly answered the children. "The snake was strangled with dad's belt, her eggs were trampled and the nest was burnt."
Vote: has 70.70 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, drunk, life
What is Jehovah's wiseness favorite band? The Doors.
Vote: has 70.70 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, life, music, religious
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
Vote: has 70.55 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't had one. Never." "Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
Vote: has 70.55 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cowboy, life, stupid


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