The best jokes about life

A Ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food."
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has 70.32 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: bar, food, life
A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. "Oh yes, I've done that," said the old gentleman. "I've only got to make a will. And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money? I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life."
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has 70.29 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, money
I really do have a soft spot for my MIL. It's out in the garden behind the garage.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: geography, life, mother in law
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: life
You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: life
Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor. The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit. Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor. This tailor measured Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and said, "There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please come back in a week to take your suit." After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor’s son wearing trousers made of the same cloth. Perplexed, he asked, "Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the other tailor could not make a suit only?" "It’s very simple," replied the tailor, "The other tailor has two sons."
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: life
Every time you're sad, just remember that somewhere out there a tree grew for years and years, but was then destroyed and became material for a Justin Bieber notebook.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, work
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
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has 69.90 % from 165 votes. More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
My blonde girlfriend went to the doctors this morning and was told she had two weeks to live. She chose last week and this week.
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has 69.34 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, life, stupid, time
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