The best jokes about life

The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, doctor, life
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1
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has 71.40 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, computer, IT, life, technology
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
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has 71.30 % from 284 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Why is there a fence around the cemetery? Because people are dying to get in.
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has 71.22 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: life
"Hey what's up?" "Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide." "How the hell do you do that?!" "Breathing... Dude."
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has 70.97 % from 303 votes. More jokes about: life
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: food, life, money, political
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight..."
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, time
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch. With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there. "Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father. "But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits. "Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her. And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: food, god, husband, kids, life
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