The best jokes about life

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
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has 71.50 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, life, sex
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
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has 71.44 % from 255 votes. More jokes about: family, life, work
If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till i hit the ground? The rest of your life...
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, doctor, life
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
A guy dies and is sent to hell. Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis. Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing. After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hell, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me." The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected. But finally he decides to inspect the area. Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around. Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hell from an area underneath, and there is hell as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone. Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!" The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."
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has 71.40 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: catholic, death, life, music, party
What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1
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has 71.40 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, computer, IT, life, technology
I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?" My simple answer is: It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.
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has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: internet, life
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
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has 71.30 % from 284 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
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