The best jokes about life

The buzzword of this election is "CHANGE." Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to. Just that we need CHANGE! This brings to mind the following illustration... Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The "Gunny" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately." He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, Brown, you change with Schultz..." "Change, now get on with it!" And the moral is: A candidate may promise change in Washington... but the stink remains!
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has 68.66 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, military, political, time
You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate. So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives: moving back in with your parents.
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: family, graduation, life, school
Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, money, time
A milkman gets an order for 45 pints of milk. Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake. When he knocks on the door, a woman comes out wearing just a bath towel, and she confirms that she wants 45 pints. "Milk baths are good for your skin," explains the woman. "Oh, OK," replies the milkman. "Do you need it pasteurized then?" "No," says the woman. "Up to my tits will be fine."
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: life
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
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has 68.62 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
Mom can i buy some heels? No. Mom can i buy a bra? No. Mom can i buy a dress? No. Mom can i buy a barbie doll? No. You never let me buy anything! Shut up, Justin.
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has 68.61 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: life, music
10 Facts About You: 1. You're reading this now. 2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact. 4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3. 5. You're checking now. 6. You're smiling. 7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid. 9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8. 10. You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again. 11. You're enjoying this. 12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.
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has 68.49 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: life
Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend's 25, Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend's 26, so if you're single its ok, maybe he's just not born yet.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life
An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, life
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