Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? A: She will "let it go let it go".
Why is there a fence around the cemetery? Because people are dying to get in.
A Ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food."
I want me a big black girl...the type of woman that sits in the car and it looks like it's got tinted windows.
Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till i hit the ground? The rest of your life...
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor." Doctor: "Are you thirsty?" Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."
Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.