One day, Bush was talking with Osama Binladen on the phone, they couldn’t trace from where the call was coming from, but Osama said, "I’ve got good news and bad news."
Bush replied, "What’s the good news?"
"I’m turning myself in," said Osama. "But the bad news is, I’m coming on a plane."
Every time you're sad, just remember that somewhere out there a tree grew for years and years, but was then destroyed and became material for a Justin Bieber notebook.
Define "Egghead":
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.
How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
One day Daily Mail has a article with title: "One in four cannot read."
The next day one another newspaper writes: "Nice to see a newspaper finally acknowledging their audience."
"Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain?"
"No"
"So, it was you!"
Doc, I think I need to wear glasses
Indeed you have to, you are in a bank.
Q: What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken?
A: A pecking order.
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in.
Forget the ships.
My lighthouse, my rules...