The best jokes about life

Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, work
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room. 2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom. 3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"
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has 69.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, sex
My dick is too long and it causes some problems for me. On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an erection so that the shadow of my penis was reflected on the screen. Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"
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has 69.73 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, life
My dotor told me: "I've tow news for U; one good and the other one bad, which one do U prefer to hear first?" I replied I prefer the good one. Doctor: "U will die after next 24 hours!" I told: "Then what is the bad newsrnDoctor: "I forgot to tell U yesterday!"
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has 69.67 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, life, time
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, life
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
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has 69.53 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
Mom can i buy some heels? No. Mom can i buy a bra? No. Mom can i buy a dress? No. Mom can i buy a barbie doll? No. You never let me buy anything! Shut up, Justin.
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has 69.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: life, music
Chuck Norris can press "Pause" on reality.
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game, life
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, mother in law
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