How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize?
Cause he was outstanding in his field.
Q: The more you take the more you leave behind. What am I?
A: footsteps
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree?
A: A rice bush.
A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun.
"Your money or your life!" says the mugger.
"I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
Do you know the joke of "no me neither"?
No.
Me neither.
Too stupid to understand science?
Try religion!
A Mormon Family, one Monday evening, sat around the fire place and was discussing Church Finances, that included paying Tithing to the Bishop.
Their little five year old boy heard this, than ran to his bedroom, grabbed his piggy bank, went to the Mormon Bishop's home and poured the contents of the piggy bank onto the Bishop's desk.
The Bishop asked, "Is this your tithing?" the little boy said, "No Bishop."
The Bishop than asked him, "Is this your Fast Offering?"
The little boy again said, "No Bishop."
The Mormon Bishop had a puzzeled look about him, and than asked, "If this is not your tithing or not your Fast Offering, than What is it?"
The little boy said, "It's for you, Bishop, Mommy and Daddy just told me that you are the poorest Bishop that we have had."
What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight.
A black eye, and a swollen lip.
No!
You don't have "Bad luck".
You have low IQ and you make bad decisions.