The best jokes about life

After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
Vote:
has 61.50 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, disgusting, life, money
Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet." Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
Vote:
has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: doctor, god, life
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”. “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
Vote:
has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life
Los Angeles Homeless... Homeless people here are different. You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
Vote:
has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: food, life, work
A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row. The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?" "Of course the old woman!" The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"
Vote:
has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: age, car, life, old people, women
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
Vote:
has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, life
Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.
Vote:
has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: divorce, life
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Vote:
has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life, time
TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Vote:
has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: life
What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful? It's mashing!
Vote:
has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: food, life, racist
<<<55565758
More jokes →
Page 55 of 81.