The best jokes about life

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Yell at her.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, work
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: funeral, life
A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him: - Do you smoke? - No. - Do you drink? - No. - Do you eat fast food? - No. - Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...
Vote: has 58.98 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, doctor, life
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
Vote: has 58.67 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
'My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''
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More jokes about: life
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
Vote: has 58.52 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
My son asked me today, "Dad, what music did you like growing up?" "Led Zeppelin," I replied. "Who?" he said. "Yeah, I liked them too."
Vote: has 58.18 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, life
Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life