A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.
'My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''
A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean.
Starving to death they found a can of roastbeef.
They start debating how to open the can without can-opener.
Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it.
Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire.
Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.
The only difference is, then he kills people.
Vote:
What did the blanket say to the bed?
Don't worry Ive got you covered!
Q: Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
A: Cause it got stuck in a crack.
Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?"
Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Déja.
Déja who?
Knock knock.
Vote:
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''
My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive.
I kinda got it.