How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.
A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs: "Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"
A spaceman landed on the moon. To his surprise he saw ahead of him a little shop, with the name above it: "MORRIE COHEN, BESPOKE TAILORS." Curious, he went into the shop. A surprised looking man appeared behind the counter. "Who are you?" he asked. "I’m a spaceman," replied the spaceman. The man closed his eyes, and slapped his own cheek with one hand. "Cutters, I asked for. And they send me spacemen!"
What is height of Activelaziness? Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club. He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. The golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free. The golfer agrees and takes out the robot. While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit which club. He has the best game of his life. The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies. He informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore. The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened. The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect of their metallic material and into their eyes. The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black? The golf pro said that they did paint them into black robot caddies, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up and the other 3 robbed the pro shop.
Religion is a lot more like politics. The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be? Chocolate filled.
What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for Twats.
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
Q: What's the difference between a black fairy tale and a white one? A: White one starts like "once upon a time" Black one starts like " y'all muthaf*ckas gotta here dis"