How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize?
Cause he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag?
Speed bumps.
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all.
Your life may be forfeit.
Vote:
-How is Ruth?
-Not sure. I broke up with her last month.
-Oh no. You're so Ruthless.
-And how long have you been waiting to use that?
-I'd rather not say.
Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?
A: They both wipe out klingons.
What is the best type of ship?
FRIENDSHIP!
Vote:
A reporter asked Chris Rock who do you think would win the presidency?
He said quickly Obama.
When asked why, he replied, has anyone ran a race with a Kenyan and won?
Texan: "Where are you from?"
Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "Okay — where are you from, jackass?"
Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, "We should really go see that together."