Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.
Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." He came fifth and received a toaster.
When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny. Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke. A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish." After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer." The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared. The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."
Chuck can use "save" in real life. But he doesn't need it.
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
Religion is a lot more like politics. The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.