The best jokes about life

Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: life
Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts? Doctor: Well, stop doing it!
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Patient: "Doctor, I can’t sleep." Doctor: "Lie at of edge of your bed and you will sleep off."
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?" Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour." Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life
Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, wife
Knock, knock! Who's there? Opportunity! That is impossible. Opportunity doesn't come knocking twice!
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has 56.78 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, life
Without you I can't breath. I love you so much my nose.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: life, love
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree? A: A rice bush.
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has 56.72 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: asian, family, food, life, racist
As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me." All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin." The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that." The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, lawyer, life, money
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