Two truck drivers trying to drive under a bridge. Driver, "Oh no, the height of bridge is 2.7m and our truck is 3m." 2nd driver, "it's ok, just go, there is no cops around."
Patient: "Doctor, I feel there are two of me." Doctor: "Very well, I shall see you, one at a time."
A patient to his friend: "I am taking rest cure." Friend: "What do you do?" Patient: "I sit every day for three hours in the waiting room of a very busy doctor."
Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions." Texan: "Okay — where are you from, jackass?"
Teens are at an awkward stage in their lives. They know how to make phone calls they just don't know how to end them.
-How is Ruth? -Not sure. I broke up with her last month. -Oh no. You're so Ruthless. -And how long have you been waiting to use that? -I'd rather not say.
Q: If Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton participated in a spelling contest, who would win? A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that "harass" is one word.
Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common? A: They both wipe out klingons.
I got 99 problems and being upside down ain't one. Ok wait I got 66 problems.
Life is like a definite integral. Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE