Q: What's the difference between a black fairy tale and a white one? A: White one starts like "once upon a time" Black one starts like " y'all muthaf*ckas gotta here dis"
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be? Chocolate filled.
When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.
What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Q: Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? A: Cause it got stuck in a crack.
Chuck Norris has found what U2 are looking for.