Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
Ignorance can be educated. Crazy can be medicated. But there is no cure for stupidity...
Cessna pilot: "Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel. Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide! Do you have the airfield in sight?" Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
Patient: "Doctor, I can’t sleep." Doctor: "Lie at of edge of your bed and you will sleep off."
A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" Pres says "You think we’re stupid boy?" "We made copies of all the receipts!"
What do you call it when Miley Cyrus falls down? Hoe-Down.
What's lil Wayne's favorite kind of pizza? Little Seizures. What? To soon?
Teens are at an awkward stage in their lives. They know how to make phone calls they just don't know how to end them.