"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter. To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
Teens are at an awkward stage in their lives. They know how to make phone calls they just don't know how to end them.
What is height of Activelaziness? Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot. Everyone can catch cold.
When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
'My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag? Speed bumps.