Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree? A: A rice bush.
Q: Wanna hear a joke? A: Women's Rights.
'My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''
A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean. Starving to death they found a can of roastbeef. They start debating how to open the can without can-opener. Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it. Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire. Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."
What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
Toilets are like mothers-in-law: the farther away the better.
Recently, I've been using the Bible for support. I've got a wobbly coffee table.