The best jokes about life

Teeth says to tongue: if I just press a little, you'll get cut. Tongue replies: if i misuse a single word, all 32 of you will come out.
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has 82.88 % from 230 votes. More jokes about: life
Yesterday I tried to catch fog. Mist.
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has 82.86 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: life
Employer: "We need someone responsible for the job." "Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong,everybody said I was responsible."
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has 82.80 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: life, work
Customer: "Waiter, do you serve crabs?" Waiter: "Please sit down sir, we serve everyone."
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has 82.72 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, life
Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining: 1.
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has 82.72 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: family, life
If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait... Twilight
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has 82.69 % from 751 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life
A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was immediately transported to the hospital. While she was in surgery she had a supernatural, near death experience. She met God and asked him: "Has my time come?" He answered: "No, you have 43 years, 2 months and 8 more days to live." After she recovered, the woman decided to stay in hospital and do plastic surgery on her face, liposuction, breast enlargement and abdominal fat removal. She also called a hair stylist to change her hairstyle and an orthodontist to perform a ‘teeth lifting’. She figured, if she had so much time in front of her, she should live the best way possible. After her last plastic surgery and not until she has recovered, she wore a new dress with matching heels, left the hospital, went across the street and an ambulance run over her… While crossing the gates to heaven, she reached God and demanded to know what happened: "You told me I had 43 more years! Why didn’t you save me from the ambulance?" And he answered: "I didn’t recognize you."
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has 82.68 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: life
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
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has 82.68 % from 181 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, sex, work
The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leaned towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!" Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!" So the Pope slapped her.
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has 82.66 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life
At a all-you-can-eat restaurant Josh came back to the table, his plate full for the fifth time. “Josh!” exclaimed his mother. “Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?” “Not a bit,” said Josh, “I just tell them I’m filling up the plate for you!”
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has 82.62 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: life
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