The best marriage jokes

Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man!
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has 53.46 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage
Wife:"There's trouble with car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband:"Water in a carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife:"I tell you the cas has water in the carburetor." Husband:"You don't even know what a carburetor is.I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife:"In the pool."
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has 53.37 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: marriage
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
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has 53.35 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
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has 53.30 % from 143 votes. More jokes about: kids, marriage, time
An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in a honeymoon suite. All night long, the bellboy hears laughing and clapping sounds from their room. The next morning, he asks the old man how he can do it all night at his age. The husband replies, "First, I remove my clothes. Then, I lie down on the bed face up. Then, my wife removes her clothes and lifts up my penis with one hand, and we make a bet. If it falls to left when she lets go, I win; if it falls to right, she wins." The bell boy asks, "Well, what if it doesn't fall?" "Then we both win," says the old man.
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has 53.30 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
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has 53.24 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, religious
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. "What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us together when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices - I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison." Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember. So?" "I would have gotten out today."
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has 53.16 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day? simple it is just a formality like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!!
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has 53.13 % from 272 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wedding
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?" "Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
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has 53.07 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: fish, marriage, phone, wife
My husband said he wanted more space. So I locked him outside.
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has 53.05 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: marriage
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