The best marriage jokes

My best friend ran away with my wife. It's only been three days and I really miss him.
Vote: has 52.14 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
Vote: has 52.10 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wife
Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet seat... Husband: How does it help Wife: I use your toothbrush!
Vote: has 52.10 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
A wife woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house, and heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released tonight."
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More jokes about: husband, marriage, prison, wife
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
Vote: has 52.05 % from 96 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, health, marriage, wife
Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man!
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Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
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More jokes about: marriage
One man's marriage has gotten a bit dull, so he asks a friend if he has any ideas on how to add some excitement back to the marriage. "Well," his friend says, "you can always have an affair." "I can't do that! I will always be faithful to her." the troubled man replies. "If you convince her to let you do it, and then it won't be cheating." The man agrees to give it a try. The next time his wife seems to be in a very good mood he shares the idea with her that a new partner would add excitement. "Honey," his wife says, "that won't help our marriage. Believe me, I already tried it."
Vote: has 51.98 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man. When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."
Vote: has 51.88 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, church, marriage, time
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Vote: has 51.87 % from 183 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, math, men, wedding, women