The best marriage jokes

I met a sista once who told me she could tell how good a brotha is in bed simply by the way he opens the door to his apartment. So, I asked her how. She said if that brotha fumbles with the keys, that means he doesn't know what he's doing. If he opens the door too quick, means he's too fast and he's a total waste of time. But if that brotha opens the door with a smooth, controlled movement, that means he's real good in bed. Then she asked me how I open the door to my apartment. I told her, "Honey, I lick the lock first."
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has 52.77 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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has 52.59 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wife
Some strangers sit at the bar. One guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG." Another guy asks, "What's that?" The first guy says, "I am a Single, New Age Guy." Another guy says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK." A lady asks, "What's that?" He says, "Double Income, No Kids." The lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE." Larry asks, "A WIFE?" Gertrude says, "Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc."
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has 52.55 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
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has 52.50 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, life, marriage, time
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?" "Well, at least you tried..."
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has 52.50 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, wife
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
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has 52.46 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
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has 52.46 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: marriage
This eighty year old couple were celebrating their 60th anniversary and the wife says to her husband, " Honey lets get stark naked and sit at the dinning table and eat our dinner!" As they sat at the dinning table the wife says, "Honey I am beginning to get very hot and very aroused!" The husband says, " That is because you have your tits in the soup!"
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has 52.42 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: age, anniversary, marriage, old people, wife
A woman come to a doctor, with bumps and bruising all over her body. The woman complains that it was her husband, who beat her. Doctor tells in surprise: "I thought your husband was out of town." "So did I..."
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has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The boss snubs his employee because he took a flashlight with him to a date: "What kind of crap happens nowadays? When I was in your age, I wasn’t carrying any flashlight with me on a date. I was always meeting my girlfriends in the dark." "And what did that got you... Take a look at what you’ve married in to!"
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has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, marriage
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