The best marriage jokes

I never married because there was no need – I have three pets which serve the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
Vote: has 45.10 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

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A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, "Mother of Six", in spite of her objections. One night they went to a party. He decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouted at the top of his voice,"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouted back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
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More jokes about: kids, marriage, wife
I took two marriage vows. Silence and poverty.
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Wife complains husband, "When I'm crossing the dark forest when I'm comming back home I'm scared that someone will rape me." "Don't worry" answers husband, "you wouldn't be so lucky..."
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How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
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Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
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More jokes about: dirty, Fathers day, marriage, sex
Wife to husband: ‘One more word and I’m going straight back to mother!’ Husband: ‘Taxi!!’
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What kind of rings do men need for marriage? Engagement Ring Wedding Ring Suffe-Ring Endu-Ring
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"I'd like to seek divorce. My wife hasn't spoken with me more than half year." "Are you stupid? It's a dream of every man."
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Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica? A: He didn't need them any longer his damn wife knows everything.
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More jokes about: marriage, wife