The best marriage jokes

A couple come across a wishing well. The husband leans over, makes a wish and throws in a penny. The wife makes a wish too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well and drowns. The husband says, ‘Wow! It really works!’
Vote:
has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Marraige is a 3-ring circus. Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Vote:
has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?" Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?" The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make." And she says, "So have I, honey." To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
Vote:
has 48.67 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: couple, dating, holiday, marriage, wife
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
Vote:
has 48.41 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: dating, family, food, marriage
"I'd like to seek divorce. My wife hasn't spoken with me more than half year." "Are you stupid? It's a dream of every man."
Vote:
has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica? A: He didn't need them any longer his damn wife knows everything.
Vote:
has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wife
A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, "when I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I’d like to buy it." "Sorry," replied the owner, "but I can’t sell you that." "Why not" asked the customer? "Because that’s my husband."
Vote:
has 48.02 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: beer, husband, marriage
How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."
Vote:
has 47.79 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: marriage, political, wedding
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Vote:
has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: marriage, priest, wedding, women
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Vote:
has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, dog, marriage, men, women
<<<45464748
More jokes →
Page 45 of 60.