The best marriage jokes

Q:What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex? A:Honey I'm home.
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has 50.22 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex, wife
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage, priest, wedding, women
Two friends talking: "What's up?" "My wife left me for my best friend.." "I thought I was your best friend..." "Now he is."
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
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has 49.86 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, husband, marriage, wife
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
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has 49.72 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: fart, marriage, sex
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
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has 49.58 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, marriage, wife
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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has 49.51 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dating, family, food, marriage
Three guys talk in a bar. Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them. The third guy remains quiet. Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? do you rule your roost?" The quiet guy says, "Well, just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees." "What happened then?" they ask. "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard? A: Shoot him again.
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage
Even the story of Sir Walter Ralegh confirms that he put his brand new coat over bumps with mud for his wife to cross it. Why? Because he was on sea for 15 months and he desperately wanted to have sex. No normal man that is well in his brains would do this to his expensive coat.
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has 48.78 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, marriage, sex, wife
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