The best marriage jokes

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
Vote: has 44.84 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, elephant, marriage
A friend of mine often tells to his wife: "It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"
Vote: has 44.46 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, marriage, wife
What kind of rings do men need for marriage? Engagement Ring Wedding Ring Suffe-Ring Endu-Ring
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
"I'd like to seek divorce. My wife hasn't spoken with me more than half year." "Are you stupid? It's a dream of every man."
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica? A: He didn't need them any longer his damn wife knows everything.
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
Three guys talk in a bar. Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them. The third guy remains quiet. Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? do you rule your roost?" The quiet guy says, "Well, just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees." "What happened then?" they ask. "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
Vote: has 43.73 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called the vicar who had married her. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I have had a dreadful fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the Reverend, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what on earth am I going to do with the body?"
Vote: has 43.73 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, marriage, wedding
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
Vote: has 43.61 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, life, marriage, time, wife
A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day. The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language. The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home. When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam." When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls." Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner. When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"
Vote: has 43.49 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, parrot
How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."
Vote: has 43.40 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, political, wedding