Things have reached crisis point in Beryl’s marriage.
‘If things are so bad,’ her friend advises her.
‘Then you should leave your husband.’
‘I would,’ says Beryl.
‘If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy.’
What kind of rings do men need for marriage?
Engagement Ring
Wedding Ring
Suffe-Ring
Endu-Ring
Wife complains husband,
"When I'm crossing the dark forest when I'm comming back home
I'm scared that someone will rape me."
"Don't worry" answers husband, "you wouldn't be so lucky..."
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day.
So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him."
Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant.
We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together."
My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?"
I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of beer."
Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?
A: Shoot him again.
A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement.
He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, "Mother of Six", in spite of her objections.
One night they went to a party.
He decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouted at the top of his voice,"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouted back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
A wife returns late at night back home.
"Where have you been?" asks her husband.
"With a friend. But don't worry, there were no men."
One day later the husband returns back home late.
"Don't worry; I was also with a friend. And there were no men either…"
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in.
Which one do you let in?
The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!