The best marriage jokes

My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, men, women
An angry man is coming home and shouts to his wife, "I know everything!" His wife reacts right away, "Is that so? Then tell me please. Who is the fifth highest peak in the world?"
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: geography, marriage, wife
Coming home after check-up, 45 year old Jenna said to her husband: "The doctor said that my brust is like a 20 year old girl’ brust." Husband replied: "Did he mention about your 45 year old hanged to the floor ass?" "No", she said. "Your name wasn’t even mentioned."
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, marriage
What’s it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage.
Vote: has 37.27 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Why is marriage a three-ring circus? First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
Vote: has 37.27 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
Vote: has 36.90 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Things have reached crisis point in Beryl’s marriage. ‘If things are so bad,’ her friend advises her. ‘Then you should leave your husband.’ ‘I would,’ says Beryl. ‘If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy.’
Vote: has 36.51 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
When they get you, they have their own little signature, like Gucci or something like that. When you walk down the street, girls will walk by, and they'll say, "Oh, that's Gladys' work, ain't it?"
Vote: has 36.51 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, work
Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
Vote: has 36.51 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: desert island, disgusting, marriage, time, women
I came downstairs this morning and my wife asked me what I wanted for breakfast. So I said, ‘Eggs, bacon, fried bread and mushrooms.’ At least that’s what I meant to say. What I actually said was, ‘You’ve ruined my life, you fat ugly witch.’
Vote: has 36.23 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage