The best marriage jokes

My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house. So I did - the middle one.
Vote:
has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Marriage is not a lottery – you get a chance in a lottery.
Vote:
has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Vote:
has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage, priest, wedding, women
Two friends talking: "What's up?" "My wife left me for my best friend.." "I thought I was your best friend..." "Now he is."
Vote:
has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Vote:
has 49.86 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: church, death, husband, marriage
A husband and wife sleep in separate twin beds. One night he asks his wife to come over to his bed to fool around. As the wife gets up to walk over to his bed, she trips over the carpet and falls flat on her face. The husband looks up concerned and says, "Oh did my little wifey fall on her little nosey wosey?" She laughs and gets in his bed. When they are done, she gets up to go back to her bed and falls over the rug again. Her husband looks over his shoulder to see her on the floor, rolls over and says, "Clumsy bitch."
Vote:
has 49.74 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Vote:
has 49.72 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: fart, marriage, sex
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
Vote:
has 49.25 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant, marriage
My wife constantly complains that I never listen to her… Or something like that.
Vote:
has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
Vote:
has 48.79 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, marriage, wife
<<<44454647
More jokes →
Page 44 of 59.