The best marriage jokes

If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped suicide is not one of my thoughts. I'm thinking maybe homicide.
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More jokes about: marriage, relationship, time
Marraige is a 3-ring circus. Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
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More jokes about: marriage
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him." Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
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More jokes about: food, husband, marriage
Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..." "That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."
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More jokes about: death, hospital, marriage, money, wife
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
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More jokes about: marriage, priest, wedding, women
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore: marriage is an institution for the blind.
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Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common. So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
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More jokes about: marriage, women
A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish. "I want to travel around the world with my darling husband", says the wife ...2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand ! Husband says "sorry love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me ..." So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92 !
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More jokes about: age, genie, husband, marriage, wife
A friend of mine often tells to his wife: "It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"
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More jokes about: love, marriage, wife
A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache." The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes." ...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."
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More jokes about: marriage