The best marriage jokes

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: car, dog, marriage, men, women
Coming home after check-up, 45 year old Jenna said to her husband: "The doctor said that my brust is like a 20 year old girl’ brust." Husband replied: "Did he mention about your 45 year old hanged to the floor ass?" "No", she said. "Your name wasn’t even mentioned."
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: doctor, marriage
"I hope you didn’t take it personally, Father," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the vicar replied. "It’s not a reflection on you, Father" insisted the church goer. "Christopher has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
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has 44.16 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I took two marriage vows. Silence and poverty.
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’ Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A drunk is sitting on a park bench staring disconsolately at a bottle of beer. A man passes and asks him what the matter is. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ says the drunk. ‘My heart says yes, my mind says no, and I haven’t heard from my liver in two days.’
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Things have reached crisis point in Beryl’s marriage. ‘If things are so bad,’ her friend advises her. ‘Then you should leave your husband.’ ‘I would,’ says Beryl. ‘If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy.’
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
What kind of rings do men need for marriage? Engagement Ring Wedding Ring Suffe-Ring Endu-Ring
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him." Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
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has 43.90 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage
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