The best marriage jokes

Marraige is a 3-ring circus. Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
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has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I never married because there was no need – I have three pets which serve the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window. After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window. He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his arse facing the window. After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his butt cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, friendship, marriage, wife
Q: What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A: Married.
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, marriage
Wife complains husband, "When I'm crossing the dark forest when I'm comming back home I'm scared that someone will rape me." "Don't worry" answers husband, "you wouldn't be so lucky..."
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: health, marriage, wife
Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant. We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together." My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?" I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of beer."
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: beer, communication, food, love, marriage
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
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has 46.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife, work
A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, "Mother of Six", in spite of her objections. One night they went to a party. He decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouted at the top of his voice,"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouted back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
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has 46.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: kids, marriage, wife
An old woman wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
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has 45.89 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: age, cat, marriage, old people, wife
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