The best marriage jokes

An old woman wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
Vote:
has 47.24 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: age, cat, marriage, old people, wife
How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
Vote:
has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard? A: Shoot him again.
Vote:
has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage
There was an old married couple who love each other very much. But each morning as he was waking up the husband let out a huge nasty wet fart with his wife right in the bed next to him. The wife always says "One day you're going to fart your guts out if you don't stop." Then one day the wife snapped she won't take it anymore and she got up extra early when downstairs and got the guts out of a turkey and put it in the bed behind. She went back downstairs to wait and then she heard the loud disgusting fart all the way down the stairs and then she hears nothing for a long while. Just as she's about to go upstairs and check on her husband he comes stomping down the steps and he says "Honey you were right after I get my guts out but with the grace of God and these two fingers I managed to shove them back up there again."
Vote:
has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: age, disgusting, fart, life, marriage
How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."
Vote:
has 46.76 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: marriage, political, wedding
Marraige is a 3-ring circus. Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Vote:
has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I never married because there was no need – I have three pets which serve the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
Vote:
has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, "when I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I’d like to buy it." "Sorry," replied the owner, "but I can’t sell you that." "Why not" asked the customer? "Because that’s my husband."
Vote:
has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: beer, husband, marriage
Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window. After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window. He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his arse facing the window. After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his butt cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"
Vote:
has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, friendship, marriage, wife
Wife complains husband, "When I'm crossing the dark forest when I'm comming back home I'm scared that someone will rape me." "Don't worry" answers husband, "you wouldn't be so lucky..."
Vote:
has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage
<<<46474849
More jokes →
Page 46 of 59.