The best marriage jokes

‘Why don’t you go home to your wife. Better yet, I’ll go home to your wife and, outside of the improvement, she won’t notice any difference.’ Groucho Marx
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More jokes about: marriage
Contrary to popular belief, Harry’s mother and father were married. Not to each other. But they were married.
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More jokes about: marriage
I had two women in my bed the other day. I got home from work and discovered my wife is having a lesbian affair.
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More jokes about: marriage
They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other. Instead, they were giving each other written notes. One evening he gave her a paper where it said: "Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am." The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock. Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying: "Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"
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More jokes about: marriage, time
Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you! Girl: yes, but would you stay there….
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More jokes about: marriage, relationship
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
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Since I got married I haven’t looked at another woman. My wife put me off them.
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Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
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More jokes about: love, marriage
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
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More jokes about: marriage
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?
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More jokes about: baby, IT, marriage