The best marriage jokes

Hallmark would make "Sorry I don't remember your name" cards. If your girlfriend really needs to talk to you during the game, she'll appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would complete a break up. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Instead of an engagement ring, you could surprise your fiance with a giant "You're #1!" foam hand. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.
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has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: game, marriage, Valentines day
A man would come home very late and very drunk every night. His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him. When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon. He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"
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has 39.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon. Two days into the weeklong trip, the wife goes to the front desk and demands a car to take her to the airport. A few hours later, the husband strolls past the front desk. The manager asks why his wife has left the island. "Were you not having a good time?" The man replies, "Well, I've been having the best time of my life, but it's been with the maid."
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has 39.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Husband to wife: ‘Put your coat on, I’m going to the pub.’ Wife: ‘Oh that’s nice, are you taking me for a drink?’ Husband: ‘No, I’m turning the heating off.’
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has 39.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
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has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wedding
I like a big, strong, hardworking man, a man who wakes up early in the morning eager to work hard. I'm talking day-in and day-out just working and sweating and sweating and working, and when it's all over, he showers and goes to his job.
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has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage, work
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore: marriage is an institution for the blind.
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has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: marriage
An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
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has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce? A: Ten thousand!
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has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: divorce, marriage, money
A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant. My name, living address, phone number...
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: marriage
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