The best marriage jokes

Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
Vote: has 36.08 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: desert island, disgusting, marriage, time, women
Hallmark would make "Sorry I don't remember your name" cards. If your girlfriend really needs to talk to you during the game, she'll appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would complete a break up. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Instead of an engagement ring, you could surprise your fiance with a giant "You're #1!" foam hand. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.
Vote: has 35.78 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: game, marriage, Valentines day
Husband to wife: ‘Put your coat on, I’m going to the pub.’ Wife: ‘Oh that’s nice, are you taking me for a drink?’ Husband: ‘No, I’m turning the heating off.’
Vote: has 35.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish. "I want to travel around the world with my darling husband", says the wife ...2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand ! Husband says "sorry love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me ..." So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92 !
Vote: has 35.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, genie, husband, marriage, wife
One day a Viking named Leif returned after a long sea voyage and found that during his absence his name had been removed from the town register. He sent his wife to the town hall make a complaint to the mayor. "I’m sorry," said the mayor, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
Vote: has 35.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A Lalu originally from Bihar now in USA went to India and brought a physiologically checked out virgin from a small happy town as wife. Ideal Lalu decided to have first night in USA. He prepared her, took their all clothes off and was ready to penetrate for intercourse and young bride stopped him. "What are you trying to do," she asked. Lalu explained the spousal sex. The bride said, "In that case try my back hole it will be lots of fun for you."
Vote: has 35.20 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, sex, wife
A man would come home very late and very drunk every night. His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him. When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon. He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"
Vote: has 34.72 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A drunk phones the police to report that thieves have been in his car. ‘They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,’ he cries out… ‘Oh hang on. I’m in the back seat.’
Vote: has 34.72 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
Vote: has 34.72 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, marriage, wife
My husband added some spice to our marriage. He's left home.
Vote: has 34.25 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage