The best marriage jokes

Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common. So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, women
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: health, marriage, wife
Three guys talk in a bar. Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them. The third guy remains quiet. Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? Do you rule your roost?" The quiet guy says, "Well, just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees." "What happened then?" they ask. "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
Vote: has 41.89 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married? A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
Vote: has 41.85 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: football, marriage, school, sport
Wife to husband: ‘When I married you you said you had an ocean-going yacht!’ Husband: ‘Shut up and row.’
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
What are Women Really Thinking? So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares? And your point is? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, marriage, money, time
Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard? A: Shoot him again.
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage
If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped suicide is not one of my thoughts. I'm thinking maybe homicide.
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, relationship, time
A wife wanted an expensive fur coat from the executive husband to celebrate their Silver wedding anniversary. The miser overbearing rich husband rejected the expensive but affordable demand. He said, "You grow the hair on your chest and I will give you fur coat to cover it." The wife was out of control with anger. She pulls up her skirt, drops and throws her panties and pushes her hairy pubic area forward. She said, "There! I have the hair on my chest, now buy me that damn coat!" "That’s not your chest, that is your pussy!" husband screamed back. "Oh yes that is my chest all right" she yelled back. "While we were dating this was your chest of hope. We got married and on our honeymoon you used to tease me it was your chest of pleasure. Then I started bearing children and it became your chest of family, and damn it. If you don’t buy me that fur coat, it is going to be the community chest of public."
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wedding, wife
A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache." The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes." ...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."
Vote: has 39.94 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage


<<<49505152
More jokes →
Page 49 of 58.