Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common.
So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day.
So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
A friend of mine often tells to his wife: "It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
A wife tells her husband:
"We never go out anywhere…"
"Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"
"I hope you didn’t take it personally, Father," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the vicar replied.
"It’s not a reflection on you, Father" insisted the church goer.
"Christopher has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn’t the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
A man comes home from work early to find his blonde wife in bed with three men.
Completely shocked, he shouts, "Hello, Hello, Hello!"
The blonde whines, "What? No hello for me?"
A Lalu brought a simple, spendthrift wife from a small town in Bihar.
He convinced her that they should go for Honeymoon.
The wife would not understand complex term as honeymoon and kept asking for explanation.
Lalu said, "Let me feel you my manhood in Honeymoon and you would know."
They went.
Had lots of fun and came back.
Wife back at home asked, "I still don’t understand what is this honeymoon that we went for."
The Husband said, "Oh, we were together, had so many hugs, kisses, varieties of sex, jokes, fun all that is honeymoon."
The spendthrift wife got angry, "You should have told me that before. Back in town, Malu, Kalu, Suru and I were together all the times, and had this fun without spending a dime of my money."