The best marriage jokes

Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard? A: Shoot him again.
Vote: has 39.78 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage
Wife to husband: ‘When I married you you said you had an ocean-going yacht!’ Husband: ‘Shut up and row.’
Vote: has 39.64 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A drunk is sitting on a park bench staring disconsolately at a bottle of beer. A man passes and asks him what the matter is. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ says the drunk. ‘My heart says yes, my mind says no, and I haven’t heard from my liver in two days.’
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common. So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, women
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, marriage, wife
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him." Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, marriage
My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, men, women
An angry man is coming home and shouts to his wife, "I know everything!" His wife reacts right away, "Is that so? Then tell me please. Who is the fifth highest peak in the world?"
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: geography, marriage, wife
What’s it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage.
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped suicide is not one of my thoughts. I'm thinking maybe homicide.
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, relationship, time