The best marriage jokes

A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon. Two days into the weeklong trip, the wife goes to the front desk and demands a car to take her to the airport. A few hours later, the husband strolls past the front desk. The manager asks why his wife has left the island. "Were you not having a good time?" The man replies, "Well, I've been having the best time of my life, but it's been with the maid."
Vote: has 37.27 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

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I like a big, strong, hardworking man, a man who wakes up early in the morning eager to work hard. I'm talking day-in and day-out just working and sweating and sweating and working, and when it's all over, he showers and goes to his job.
Vote: has 37.27 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, work
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
Vote: has 37.02 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, Fathers day, marriage, sex
An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
Vote: has 36.90 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.
Vote: has 36.51 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

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When they get you, they have their own little signature, like Gucci or something like that. When you walk down the street, girls will walk by, and they'll say, "Oh, that's Gladys' work, ain't it?"
Vote: has 36.51 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, work
They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other. Instead, they were giving each other written notes. One evening he gave her a paper where it said: "Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am." The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock. Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying: "Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"
Vote: has 36.23 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, time
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.” “Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?” “I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
Vote: has 36.09 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, marriage, old people
My husband has a split personality – and I hate both of them.
Vote: has 36.09 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant. My name, living address, phone number...
Vote: has 36.09 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage