The best marriage jokes

What’s it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage.
Vote: has 39.78 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
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A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"
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More jokes about: age, marriage, women
I like a big, strong, hardworking man, a man who wakes up early in the morning eager to work hard. I'm talking day-in and day-out just working and sweating and sweating and working, and when it's all over, he showers and goes to his job.
Vote: has 39.64 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, work
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore: marriage is an institution for the blind.
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An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
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An old man tells his psychiatrist that he is already very old and he has committed during his life many sins. The psychiatrist wanted to help him, so he has asked him: "And how long are you with your wife?" The man answered: "45 years." The psychiatrist said: "Don´t have the fear, because after your death you will be surely added to the sufferers, sleep well."
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life, marriage, old people, time
My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, men, women
An angry man is coming home and shouts to his wife, "I know everything!" His wife reacts right away, "Is that so? Then tell me please. Who is the fifth highest peak in the world?"
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More jokes about: geography, marriage, wife
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.” “Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?” “I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, marriage, old people
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, dog, marriage, men, women


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