At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"
A wife tells her husband: "We never go out anywhere…" "Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn’t the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
Husband to wife: ‘Put your coat on, I’m going to the pub.’ Wife: ‘Oh that’s nice, are you taking me for a drink?’ Husband: ‘No, I’m turning the heating off.’
A man comes home from work early to find his blonde wife in bed with three men. Completely shocked, he shouts, "Hello, Hello, Hello!" The blonde whines, "What? No hello for me?"
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him." Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."