The best marriage jokes

How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
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has 43.52 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: marriage
What are the similarities between a new wife and a tornado, there's a lot of suckin and blowin and then u lose ur house.
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has 43.52 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: marriage, weather, wife
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
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has 43.46 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, marriage, wife
Once upon a time, in a far away land, a beautiful independent, confident princess met a frog, while sitting and considering the environmental issues of the world, at the side of an infected lake, in a very green meadow, near her castle. The frog jumped on princess’ knees and said: "My sweet lady, once I was a handsome prince, until an evil witch cursed me. I f you kiss me, however, I will become again that graceful prince I once was. Then, my sweety, we will get married and we will live in your castle, and you will cook for me, you will wash my clothes, and you will give birth to my childre and you will feel so happy and graceful for being able to do all these things forever!" That night, the princess enjoying her nice cooked frog legs, she chuckled inside and thought: "...and then he woke up."
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has 43.46 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. ”Are you hurt?” he asked.”Of course I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around and you didn’t wave once!”
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has 43.39 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever... I wonder where shes going ?
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has 43.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: birthday, marriage, wife
Phone talk: "Is your boss there?" "No, he left on a trip." "A recovery trip, huh?" "I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"
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has 43.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: marriage, phone, wife
Wife: "There is something wrong with you." Me: "What a thing to say just before our dog's first salsa lesson."
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has 43.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dog, marriage, wife
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him." Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage
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