The best marriage jokes

Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...!
Vote: has 87.73 % from 470 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, life, marriage, wife
A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister. "What are you doing?" he asks. "Warming up your dinner."
Vote: has 87.73 % from 191 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, work
Losing a wife can be hard. In most cases, it’s damned near impossible.
Vote: has 87.71 % from 210 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
Vote: has 87.71 % from 295 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, women
Marriage is spending the rest of you life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you'd miss them.
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More jokes about: marriage
A wife goes on a retreat for work. When she returns, she finds a pair of panties in her dresser that do not belong to her. Furious, she questions her husband. The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry!" So, the wife goes to the maid and questions her. Indignant, the maid replies, "Madam, how should I know? These panties don't belong to me. I don't even wear panties just ask your husband!"
Vote: has 87.70 % from 276 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife, work
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The groom's best friend takes him aside and asks what's wrong. "Well," replies the man, "when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking." "Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," says his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years." "That's not the problem, " the groom says. "She gave me $20 change!"
Vote: has 87.69 % from 257 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: couple, holiday, love, marriage, money
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Vote: has 87.68 % from 161 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
Vote: has 87.67 % from 266 votes. Send joke:

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He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. Upon returning home, his wife said "I've been thinking, there's no reason we can't go for a month." Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. When he returned his wife said, "Since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the world?" He went back and bought 200 bottles of seasick pills and more tubes of lubricant. The pharmacist finally had to ask: "You know, Mr. Johnson, I don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you do it?"
Vote: has 87.66 % from 247 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage