The best marriage jokes

Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," James says, "why I hardly know the girl."
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has 85.08 % from 211 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wife to husband: ‘Let’s go out and have some fun tonight!’ Husband: ‘Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on.’
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has 85.07 % from 164 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
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has 85.05 % from 226 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I can remember where I got married. I can remember when I got married. I just can’t remember why.
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has 85.04 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: marriage
"Hey, man! You didn't tell me why didn't you get through with the wedding!" "To tell you the truth... I'm thinking about your wife, all the time!" "WHAT? You PRICK!" "Chill out man... Don't get it wrong... I'm just afraid that I might end up having the same bad luck as you had...!"
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has 85.04 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wedding, wife
A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister. "What are you doing?" he asks. "Warming up your dinner."
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has 85.01 % from 210 votes. More jokes about: marriage, work
After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over. "You know," says the cop, "I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you take off like that?" "Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
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has 85.00 % from 286 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Husband to wife: ‘I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot.’ Wife: ‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.’
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has 85.00 % from 316 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Marriage is spending the rest of you life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you'd miss them.
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has 84.96 % from 217 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wife to her husband: "I told you I'll be back in five minutes, so why you are calling me every half an hour?"
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has 84.94 % from 232 votes. More jokes about: marriage