The best marriage jokes

I can remember where I got married. I can remember when I got married. I just can’t remember why.
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has 85.24 % from 229 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Girl to fiancé: ‘When we’re married I want to share all your troubles and worries.’ Fiancé: ‘But I don’t have any troubles and worries.’ Girl: ‘I know, but we’re not married yet.’
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has 85.18 % from 259 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," James says, "why I hardly know the girl."
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has 85.18 % from 259 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
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has 85.17 % from 1187 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, women
Wife to her husband: "I told you I'll be back in five minutes, so why you are calling me every half an hour?"
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has 85.17 % from 251 votes. More jokes about: marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
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has 85.16 % from 675 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men, women
While inspecting their honeymoon suite, the bride discovers a little box attached to the bed. "What's this for?" she asks her husband. "If you put a quarter in," he says, reaching into his pocket, "the bed starts vibrating." "Save your money," she says. "When you're a quarter in, I start vibrating."
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has 85.13 % from 334 votes. More jokes about: holiday, husband, marriage
A man is talking to the family doctor, "Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is." The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what’s for dinner?" He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her. "Honey, what’s for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her. Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!"
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has 85.13 % from 666 votes. More jokes about: doctor, family, food, marriage, wife
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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has 85.12 % from 416 votes. More jokes about: birthday, marriage, wife
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
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has 85.08 % from 801 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, husband, marriage, wife
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