The best marriage jokes

When I got home last night my wife demanded that I 'take her somewhere expensive'... I took her to a petrol station...
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has 85.18 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wife
Husband to wife: ‘I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot.’ Wife: ‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.’
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has 85.17 % from 335 votes. More jokes about: marriage
My wife just nudged me and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?". I thought, 'that's a strange way to start a conversation'.
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has 85.17 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's that?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night." She, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"
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has 85.17 % from 395 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, time, wife
John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
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has 85.17 % from 365 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men, wife
It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
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has 85.12 % from 196 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I can remember where I got married. I can remember when I got married. I just can’t remember why.
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has 85.11 % from 227 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wife to her husband: "I told you I'll be back in five minutes, so why you are calling me every half an hour?"
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has 85.11 % from 250 votes. More jokes about: marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
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has 85.10 % from 665 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men, women
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
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has 85.09 % from 1181 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, women
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