The best marriage jokes

Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: Yes and no.
Vote: has 85.62 % from 267 votes. Send joke:
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Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
Vote: has 85.61 % from 734 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, birthday, husband, marriage, wife
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.
Vote: has 85.61 % from 251 votes. Send joke:
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The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said. "That was when mommy came to work for us?"
Vote: has 85.61 % from 235 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: church, marriage, wedding, work
If you want your wife to pay attention to every word you say, try talking in your sleep.
Vote: has 85.61 % from 235 votes. Send joke:
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If it weren’t for marriage, women would have to spend most of their adult lives arguing with complete strangers.
Vote: has 85.58 % from 290 votes. Send joke:
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A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car. ‘What’s up?’ says the driver. ‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman. ‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’
Vote: has 85.58 % from 290 votes. Send joke:
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I can remember where I got married. I can remember when I got married. I just can’t remember why.
Vote: has 85.58 % from 170 votes. Send joke:
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On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Joseph responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
Vote: has 85.55 % from 234 votes. Send joke:
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A man asks his mute friend what he wants in a woman. The mute friend points to his head. His friend says, "Yes, intelligence is important." Then, the mute friend rubs his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend nods and says, "Certainly a woman with money would be nice." Then, the mute friend opens his hands wide in front of him, cups his fingers and makes a bouncing motion. His friend looks at him strangely. "What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"
Vote: has 85.51 % from 312 votes. Send joke:
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