The best masturbation jokes

A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
has 46.90 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, kids, life, masturbation
My mother in law is so ugly that her face is like a masturbated dick!
has 46.35 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, mother in law, ugly
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
has 46.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
has 40.46 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable. I just go up and down.
has 39.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
has 39.02 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, masturbation, morbid
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
has 35.37 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, kids, masturbation
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
has 31.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, masturbation, Yo mama
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
has 31.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
More jokes →
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