The best masturbation jokes

This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
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has 52.09 % from 175 votes. More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
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has 51.56 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable. I just go up and down.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
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has 42.26 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
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has 39.67 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, masturbation, morbid
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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has 37.45 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, kids, masturbation
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
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has 29.42 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, masturbation, Yo mama
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.
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has 28.62 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, Yo mama
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