The best masturbation jokes

A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
has 44.51 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
has 42.13 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, kids, life, masturbation
My mother in law is so ugly that her face is like a masturbated dick!
has 42.00 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, mother in law, ugly
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
has 41.06 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
has 37.57 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, masturbation, morbid
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable. I just go up and down.
has 36.64 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
has 35.91 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
has 32.39 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, kids, masturbation
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
has 29.62 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, masturbation, Yo mama
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
has 28.38 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
More jokes →
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