The best masturbation jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
Vote: has 50.29 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, masturbation, morbid
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
Vote: has 35.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, masturbation, Yo mama
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.
Vote: has 32.79 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: masturbation, Yo mama
Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 30.41 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
This stupid bug is appearing on a blasted line which would blow up the toilet. Then they go like "Tom tom tom tom" then back to the toilet and stupidly disgusted by a recently married woman and erecting a man in a toilet.
Vote: has 29.98 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting, masturbation, men, women
I met a girl who used masturbate to 2 girls 1 cup. And that kids, is how j met your mother.
Vote: has 24.25 % from 67 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
What’s red, black, red, black, red, black, red and white? A nigger that’s masturbating himself!
Vote: has 22.66 % from 125 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, masturbation, racist