I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.
Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
What’s red, black, red, black, red, black, red and white? A nigger that’s masturbating himself!
I met a girl who used masturbate to 2 girls 1 cup. And that kids, is how j met your mother.