The best masturbation jokes

My mother in law is so ugly that her face is like a masturbated dick!
has 49.51 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, mother in law, ugly
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
has 48.65 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
has 48.37 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, kids, life, masturbation
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
has 46.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable. I just go up and down.
has 41.84 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
has 40.31 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
has 39.74 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, masturbation, morbid
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
has 36.21 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, kids, masturbation
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
has 32.12 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
has 31.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, masturbation, Yo mama
More jokes →
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