This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable. I just go up and down.
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.