My mother in law is so ugly that her face is like a masturbated dick!
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable. I just go up and down.
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!