The best masturbation jokes

My mother in law is so ugly that her face is like a masturbated dick!
has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, mother in law, ugly
This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
has 52.15 % from 173 votes. More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
has 51.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
has 48.02 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, kids, masturbation
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
has 45.89 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
has 37.98 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, masturbation, morbid
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
has 36.64 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
has 31.48 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, masturbation, Yo mama
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.
has 29.66 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, Yo mama
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